it is so easy being young, yet so tough... only if I were a little more wise...

Do you ever feel like you do something for good but only find that it hurts you...? Maybe for someone you love, maybe for someone you say you love but really hate and are determined to take down? You find that in the morning you hate yourself because you are so determined to make something work that you know is a failure... or maybe you wake happy because it worked...or maybe you are young and stupid, determined to take you own path, ignore others suggestions. I am all of the above. I won't take others advise because I really believe that no one knows me. The one person I am totally honest with is Bevin and when I finally admit something to her it has been in me for months, months, months. I cannot deny her my doubts, fears, cliches... I am not focused, I have no faith in myself, I hate my lips, I fear death so much I have anxiety attacks daily, I do not have healthy relationships... with anyone... I love myself when I am alone dancing, my cats are my world, I am a control freak, I sing in the shower, I think I might have some odd fetishes that I refuse to accept, if I could be a boy I would be, I wish I had done everything different in college, I loved college.... I show little emotion because it's easier, I am very human, I sleep because I honestly believe my dreams tell me more truth than I allow myself in daily life...


I know this song is on a damn commercial but that is so relative as well. I feel like this so much... even for myself, as if I try to impress myself but fail constantly... and how does that correspond to others... the same...



I am not trying to be miss sap.... I know it's easy being young, and I know it's tough, I know so little...