I've been looking at old pictures... there is always a twinge of jealousy... nostalgia... sadness that accompanies pictures. I wish I could re-live the time... to be there once more to say what is on my mind... to those I feel have always been there... who've betrayed me... or someone I love... Pictures bring these emotions up in me. It does not help that accompanying them is "My Little Drum" from Charlie Brown's Christmas... WHICH I LOVE!!!
I look at these pictures and figure things have changed, people have moved on. But,... it is hard to let go of the moment in fear that it will pass into lost memories...
Last year was a year transition. Going from college to a "regular" person was difficult but I had Audrey.... sometimes Justine.... and Bevin. Now Audrey has left to KC, Justine, always working, just got an offer to move to Florida, and Bevin, although, two hours away, does not call me as much now because of her new beau (meaning she has someone right there to comfort her) .
I am girlfriendless....
In high school, I had Dani, before moving to St. Louis, then it was Meghan and then Claire. Dani and I still talk but she lives in NE. Meghan and I drifted and Claire became someone that I didn't understand... so here I am... without that close girlfriend...
I remember the time when I declared girls were no good, they only brought drama... and now I want one... I need that companion who can relates to me because we are of the same sex...
Looking at pictures just makes me sad. I have not hanged out with a girl in months, just me and a girl, months. The last time Audrey was in town was it... we sat on Andrew's front stoop waiting for him to get home. We drank a few beers, smoked a couple of cigarettes, and chatted it up. We talked about the weird shit that always follows Audrey and how I am constantly restless.

I miss it

I want a girlfriend

I need it

....