I am awake at 8am on a Monday because at 7 Tim decided to throw a fit about the usage of a fan in the bedroom. Where he claims normal people cool down when they sleep, as usual, by him, I am classified as abnormal because I heat up. So after he threw a tantrum, I tried to ignore, he grabbed the fan and tossed it into the corner where his clothes go to die, and now I guess the fan, too... So I am up, sort of out of spite, and sort of out of sheer depression. I wonder how much control I have over my life, or maybe how much I like it. It's easier to decide which of those terrible choices suits one best when not occupying a college town one feels incredibly lonely in.
Beyond the fact that I am young and stupid and, therefore, so is Tim, (despite his attempts to ostracize me as being the only one) mornings have to be my favorite. Since college years I've rarely experienced an early morning like today and although I am feeling pretty down it helps that I am awake. It's a chilly, very sunny morning. Looking through the window of the office and into the small tree line outside, I all of the sudden feel like I am in Claire's little red Nissan, driving past Tower Grove on our way to school at 8am (late since school started at 730) after staying up till 2am practicing for one of the high school plays. Just how the sunlight peers through the over reaching branches reminds me of the way it did in Tower Grove. But, this is only an early morning or dusk phenomenon. There is a certain reflection of light off the leaves that the sun can't achieve in the mid afternoon. My point is, although I feel unhappy, I am happy. Also, I plan to ditch Tim to ride my bike to the grocery store just cause I know that will piss him off.
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"There is a certain reflection of light off the leaves that the sun can't achieve in the mid afternoon." very poetic
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