Things change more than they stay the same

I got the chance to hangout with some friends I haven't seen or talked to in a while, for one reason or another, this was last week, actually three night in a row. I really enjoyed their company for the most part because for once I wasn't at Eastside, Shakespeare's or Tellers getting hammered and then getting into some stupid argument that ultimately leaves someone very angry and secondly, they were nice to me all night. (not just when they were too incapacitated to forget if they liked me or not) Actually, before last night, the last time I hanged out with the people I call my "recent" friends was at one of those three bars and there was an argument and since then I feel like I've been tugging at thin pieces of thread to keep them around.
Ok, so I admit that I'd prefer to sit in the dark all night then hang out with some of those "recent" friends, but more than often I get drunk and either become falsely buddy buddy with them (which in the morning I regret) or I start an unreasonable war with them (which, also, in the morning I regret). However, the ones that I like to hang out with because I like them have put me on their "I am hanging out with you because 1) I have to or 2) oops we've run into eachother" list of friends or that's the vibe I am getting. I can feel the tension, something that has just recently come into existence and I wonder, what bridge have I burned? Honestly, it is probably karma hitting me over the head. How can I expect honesty when I am not being honest, or real friendship when I falsely give mine away?
This is all very frustrating. Very frustrating. Because, I am usually too passive aggressive in these situations to get them solved. It makes my old friends seem pretty darn good, but... the reason why things fell apart is similar; someone didn't like my attitude and I didn't like theirs and neither of us were willing to take an unbiased look at the situation. Well, I have been racking my brain over this new position and I feel unjustly judged. The funny thing is the argument that probably burned the bridge and put karma into full action was about elitism. Elitism? I was not for elitism and argued, very poorly and in bad taste (drunk), that good can be found in anything or anyone. However, the people I was arguing against I rarely find good in them, at least recently and before in the past, and, sometimes, believe I am SO much better than them. My point is that all of us were being elitist, some more than others (I'd like to fool myself) but in the end every single fucking one us were or have recently been elitist!

e·lit·ism or é·lit·ism (-ltzm, -l-)n.

1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.

2.

a. The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.

b. Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class

I thought a definition was in order.

But that is said. and done. I needed to get it out because I feel a huge change in my life is about to start but know deep down that it is not going to be easy or fun. And, I didn't want this to happen, I liked my friends.

In other news, Tim and I had to bring Rosemary and Burt to Nick's place today while management inspected the apartment. We thought it'd be best not to get charged for our "illegal" cats. Oh it was fun! Nick has a dog and they LOVED that. Rosemary spent most of the day behind a dresser fool of tools on Nick's sun porch but Burt could have cared less as long as he had food and a window.
After getting done with bringing them there I realized how horrible I felt, I think I had a fever and called into work. Jen wasn't too thrilled because she had planned to be out of town for the day but still didn't want me to come in (after I insisted I didn't want to wreck her plans) if I was sick BUT thinks we need to hire another person so this doesn't happen again. I feel like a bitch... I think the fever came on from drinking last night, not sleeping well, and just feeling pretty shitty about most things. UGGG! as charlie brown would say...
So tomorrow I am waking up with a fucking better attitude. I plan to not fret over petty things, try to make amends with life and stop being "woah is me", it's fucking pathetic. If I insist that tomorrow be a good day I think some of this paranoia will subside or prove right in its own time.